I couldn't protect her
by Satisfying Penmanship
Summary: Toshiro Hitsugaya realizes that he hasn't been able to keep his promise to Hinamori Momo to protect her but instead he thinks that he has now been causing her even more pain. Losing control of his emotions for only a moment what happens! Find out!
1. Chapter 1

**Note: This story referrs the the manga Chapter 392 page 12 SPOILER! when Toshiro stabs Aizen but it was his zampaktou illusion thing and it was really Momo he stabbed this refers to afterward when Momo is now in the hospital and Aizen is now defeated. **

Toshiros POV

The white haired boy stood silently. His head dipped down, Turquoise eyes locked on only one person, Hinamori Momo. The female was just laying there in the hospital bed. Her hair not in a bun like It normally was but now it was let down so it reached her shoulders but it was sprawled all over her pillow, probably from tossing and turning. She was just laying there... silently. Unmoving. The only thing that reassured him that his childhood friend was not dead was the slight movement of her chest as it moved up and down as she breathed. But there was a clear mask covering her mouth, it connected to a machine to help her breath. He was just glad she was breathing of course.

His memories flashed back to what had happened. Hinamori... he didn't see her. He swore he was attacking Aizen but him and his stupid sword and its hypnosis! No... he couldn't blame Aizen all for it. It was his fault for being tricked in the first place, he should of not let his anger get the best of him. It was his fault that she was like this now. Why couldn't he protect her!

His thoughts were interrupted as he heard someone else enter the room. Turning his body and head to turn around just slightly to see Captain Unohana coming in to check on her. She had left him alone with Momo for privacy. He had been coming every day in hopes Momo would finally wake up but her injury was pretty serious and she had yet to awake. She wasn't going to die, he knew that for a fact but that wasn't what was bugging him.

No, it was that he couldn't protect her. He failed twice now! No wait three times now... Why couldn't he protect her! This time it was even him that hurt her. It was tearing him apart.

"Hitsugaya-taichou" he heard Unohana soft voice speak up. He already knew what for.

"I know." he replied softly. His eyes traveled up to meet the squad 4 captains eyes before traveling back down to the floor this time. He sighed. 

"Try not to beat yourself up so badly. She will be fine." she was trying to make him feel better but he had a feeling she thought he was 'down' because it was he who hurt Momo and yes it was true, he was beating himself up about that but there was that other reason to. He didn't know if she knew of that reason, Unohana was good at keeping things in.

"I know. I will be back tomorrow. Good day." Toshiros eyes locked back to the other captains she nodded and she flashed her smile of reassurance. For some off reason, it didn't help him.

Bowing to her he turned to leave the room. Moving down the hall, his eyes down to the floor as he walked silently trying to make it out of the Squad 4 barracks so he could go back to his own office.

**Squad 10 Barracks**

Toshiro was able to make it back to his office with interruption. He was glad. He wasn't in the mood to talk or to be talked to.

Moving around he noticed Rangiku wasn't there. She was probably off drinking or something. He looked over to her desk. Unfinished paper work covered it in piles. He was thinking about just going over and doing the paper work himself but she was the lieutenant and she should do her own paperwork right! Yeah she wasn't going to do it but Toshiro wasn't in the mood to do it either. His mind was still flashing back to Hinamori. His eyes sunk and a frown seemed like it carved deep into his face. Why couldn't he protect her... First Aizen told her he had no more use for her and stabbed her to get rid of her... Unohana was the one to thank for saving her. And him both. He wasn't able to do anything about it, he lost to Aizen once he tried to fight Aizen once he found Momo's body on the floor of Central 46 Chambers. He wasn't there to protect her there.

But there was the time even before that. Just after Aizen faked his death. When they played everyone when Aizen messed with Momo's mind to manipulate her into thinking that himself was behind Aizens (fake) murder. He couldn't protect her from Aizens lies and that led to more pain to be brought down on Momo.

Both of those events caused her to scar mentally even if her physical wounds were mostly healed from those encounters her mental health was left in shambles.

And now... again... he tried to attack Aizen, hoping to kill that man and end this but as he saw his sword piece though Aizens chest he then soon realized that it wasn't Aizen she just stabbed... it was Hinamori... he still remembered her faint words after his action once he realized it wasn't Aizen...

_"Shiro-chan...Why?" _

He cringed as he remembered. That hurt him deep and he soon fell in a blind rage after that and tried to attack Aizen yet again... why was he so stupid.

Aizen took complete advantage of his blinding rage, he cut right through my Bankai and injuring him and the surrounding captains. I loses his left arm and most of his left leg from the attack...

He was still slightly weak from that fight still but he was healing very well. Why was it taking Momo so long.. had she given up the will to even fight to survive anymore? Maybe she thought sense Aizen was gone there was no more reason to survive. He had her wrapped so tightly around his finger and then that damned Aizen just cut her lose... sending her free-falling down into a black hole of loneliness. Why didn't she realize that I was still here for her! Toshiro had always been. It was his vow to protect her... and he broke it so many times already. He failed and now Momo was suffering even worse.

Snapping back to see what he was doing he noticed he was standing right in the middle of his office. He had been standing there for awhile. Rangiku still wasn't back. Good.

He sent himself back into his thoughts letting his mental wall fall his emotions seemed to pour out but he still was able to keep the tears that started to boil up In his eyes. He sucked in a deep breath as he re-thought about all that had happen.

How could he let such a thing happen. Why was he so weak!

"Ahh!" He couldn't help but to scream, in rage and frustration. His blue spiritual pressure lashed out he could hear the window in his office bust open, shattering into little glass pieces.

Hands moved up and he gripped his head tightly, eyes shut tightly and he let out another frustrated and angered yell.

"Captain!"

his eyes opened and he then saw Rangiku's hands placed tightly on his shoulders, shaking him trying to make him snap out of it. He blinked. What happened? Looking at Rangiku for a moment before tracing his eyes around the room he noticed everything was a mess. The windows shattered, paperwork scattered all over the rooms, even the couch had flipped over on its back.

"Are you okay Hitsugaya-taichou?"

He kept quiet. But faintly nodded. He didn't mean to lose control like that. He was slightly embarrassed but he felt more dizzy now.

"I was out talking to Nanao-chan and then I suddenly heard your yell and then glass shatter and your spiritual pressure was all over. I thought someone was attacking you! You scared me!"

he just nodded "..Sorry" he muttered very quietly, almost a whisper but he made sure she was able to hear it. He rarely said he was sorry but he felt the need to sense he made her worry.

"But captain commander had just called a meeting for the squad captains so I was heading back here anyway to make sure you went! I think you should go before you are late."

Called a meeting? Did the hell butterfly even reach him or had it come before when he was lost in thought. He wasn't sure but he just nodded. He was dizzy but he just guessed it was because he was mostly just confused over what happened. Damn emotions getting the best of him. He thought he learned to control them a long time ago. "Okay, thank you I am going to head over now. Thank you Matsumoto" he quickly said before he ran out of the office.

He was going to be late. Damnit. He was never late before. Toshiro had made sure to always be on time. Toshiro was young and he wanted to show his maturity by always being on time, he wasn't going to be a silly kid that slacks off. He had worked to get the tittle of Captain and he wasn't going to slack off now that he achieved it. It was shocking that he had to remind him self of this, but it was reassuring.

Shiro quickly made it to the door his hands reached out and it settled on the large handle. He paused. Yes the meeting at already started but it didn't seem like it got to far along, the important information was probably not even mentioned yet. What were they having a meeting about anyway? He hoped it wasn't more bad news he was getting sick of it.

Taking a deep breath he pushed his arms back, bringing the heavy door with him as he swung it back. He hoped the other captains didn't notice his out burst in the squad 10 barracks.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach!

**Toshiro POV**

swinging the doors open he soon felt all the other captains eyes turn toward him. He could feel his face get a little hot with embarrassment. "I am sorry I am late." the white headed boy said loud enough for all the other captains and the Captain commander could hear.

"Make it in your best intentions that this does not happen again!" shouted the Captain commander in his low cracked voice.

"Yes sir." Hitsugaya quickly said before rushing himself in the line he settled himself on the right side, he was standing right beside Captain Mayuri Kuritsuchi on one side and no one was on his other side on the account he stood at the end of the line. Facing forward the young shinigami kept his eyes straight forward as he waited for the Captain Commander to begin speaking again but instead he heard a small chuckle from beside him. Mayuri.

The 10th squad captain flicked his gaze over toward the odd looking man beside him, his eye brow rose as to ask what was so funny but he didn't answer but instead soon settled down and got quiet. Everyone else was looking at him, wanting to know what was funny also but he didn't answer but instead looked back over to the Captain Commander so everyone else did the same and just shrugged off the random, odd laughter.

"Anyway I would like to notify that.."

**((Sorry small time skip couldn't come up with anything important for him to say LOL))**

The meeting had just ended and the captains were just about to exit. It wasn't an important meeting at all it was just a small one of him telling us about the odd recent activity of hollows popping up and just to keep up your guard. Then there was extra stuff but that was even less important.

Turning his body toward the door and stepping forward to exit the door as all the other captains also did so but he kept his pace slow as he made his way out of the door so he was one of the last people out of the room. He didn't have anywhere to go anyway and there was no point in rushing but he indeed did make it outside after his little longer than needed walk.

The large door closed behind him and only a few captains remained the rest had ran back to their barracks or went to do training or whatever else they felt like doing. The ones that remained were Ukitake Jyuushiro, Kyouraku Shunsui and Kuritshuchi Mayuri.

His features stayed plain, his always present frown and 'scowl' remained, plain as day on his face as normal. Ukitake and Shunsui were talking as always, they were close but Mayuri he was just looking at him oddly. What did he want?

"Captain Hitsugaya! May I ask a question?" his words were quite loud and the other two captains paused and glanced at them for a moment before adverting their eyes to act like they were minding there own business but it was quite obvious that they were ease-dropping.

"I guess so." he stopped walking and he only stood a few feet away from the much taller Mayuri, head tilted up to look at the strange mans face. He didn't know much about the captain of the 12th division, they rarely talk. Mayuri rarely comes out of his barracks he is always doing 'Research'.

"Excellent!" he exclaimed.

Could he be any louder?

"I wanted ask about the random burst of your spiritual pressure back in your barracks! You caused quite a mess, what was it that got you so angry Hitsugaya?" his voice was obviously teasing and amused. That ticked Toshiro off a bit.

"It doesn't concern you." so they did notice his out burst. Turquoise eyes flicked over to the other captains who were still there, facing each other but obviously listening into the conversation they were probably also curious on what had happened.

"It didn't have something to do with the Hinamori girl did it?" his voice didn't lighten, he was amused and it seemed as if he was just trying to find a soft spot and get Toshiro ticked. And it was slowly working but he held in a breath to calm down before answering.

"Again, it is none of your bu-"

"I could always run my own tests! Maybe poking and prodding at her will get her to wake up!"

He lost his cool there (No pun intended) "You will not even go near Hinamori let alone touch her!" he shouted his hand seemed to instinctivly move to his swords handle but kept it sheathed.

This action only made Mayuri grin. Ukitake and Shunsiu had now turned toward them, tensed and ready to stop a fight if one broke out.

"It seems I must have hit a soft spot!" he let out a loud laugh "That will be all, Toshiro."

His facial expression quickly changed to a glare. "It's Captain Hitsugaya." he muttered in a low voice but Mayuri was already turned and walking away so he wasn't sure if he had heard it or not.

Toshiro relaxed and moved his hands back to his side his eyes followed the squad 12 captain until he was far enough away and then his gaze flicked down to the ground.

"Here" he heard the familiar voice. Looking up he saw Ukitake, smiling and holding out something. Following his arm down to the older captains hand where he caught sight of the small piece of candy.

"What for?"

"Well, we are both Shiro-chans! And plus I was hoping it would cheer you up. Minamori will be fine."

Toshiro just nodded and took the piece of candy and put on a small smile. To bad it was fake.

"Thank you." he mumbled before he turned and started to walk back to his office.

As he approached the building he noticed all of the broken glass had been picked up and his squad was moving around cleaning up everything. Woops. His face had turned back to his emotionless, plain stare as he continued walked toward the building.

"Captain!"

He knew who it was easily. His Vice-Captain Rangiku. "Yes Matsumoto?" he asked his head turned toward the female as she ran up toward him.

"Just wanted to let you know that I got the office all straightened up again! And got everyone to help." was she trying to make him feel better? Saying that sure didn't work it made him feel worse.

"Okay. Thank you." deciding to stay away from the office for a little while he turned and started to walk off anywhere, he didn't really care where.

"Captain, where are you going?"

"Anywhere."

"Want me to come with you?"

"No I will be fine by myself."

With that he shunpo (flash stepped or hoh**ō** ) out of the area without hearing another word from Matsumoto. He felt like being alone so he could think some more but he liked just looking at the beauty of nature anyway, even if he had seen almost everything already after his many years in the soul society.

_((Sorry for the odd ending I was just trying to come up with some stuff because I wanted to add a little bit more to the story to make it a bit longer. _

_I hope you liked it! I think there is going to be another chapter but I think I need some ideas so if you wish send me a message or review and give me some ideas? _

_Again hoped you liked it and please review or add to favorites! _

_-Chibi)) _


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